Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
