The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
