Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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