i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
