Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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