WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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