We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
