nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
