How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
