y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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