How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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