If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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