i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
