No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
