dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
