dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
