The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
