The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
