I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
