If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
