Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
