i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
