I wish you could order shots online.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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