Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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