Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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