My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
handjob tips. give me some.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
