Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
