Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
