The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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