im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
