It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can text with my tongue
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
