so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I touched a dick in church today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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