The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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