I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Bring me that man meat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
