You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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