Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
