Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
