maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
