is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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