yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
