just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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