I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
