Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
