I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
