I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
