I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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