Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
