there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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