the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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