its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
