five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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