That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
