i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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